Nostalgic Thots

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Hi Bolu. I have a relationship based question. Sorry, it's quite a long one. I am dating a guy right now who I really love, but I'm not sure if he loves or even likes me just as much. When we go out, he doesn't like to hold hands. On one occasion, I intentionally held on tight to his hand, but he just shook my hand off. I was quite upset and embarrassed at the same time, but I summoned-up courage to ask him why he acted that way. His reply was that he just wants his hands to be free and that he had the right to want that. He also got upset at the fact that I was upset, and said being angry with him was a sign of selfishness on my part, because I just wanted to have my way. I took it in good faith because I truly felt it would be unfair for me to make him do what he did not feel like doing, so going forward, I no longer made attempts to hold his hands, and ever since he has never bothered to hold mine either. It seems like something really little, but it bothers me till this day especially when we go out and I see other people lovingly holding hands in public… even old couples! I wonder if he’s ashamed of me or if it’s just his personality. I tried to show him how I feel, but he remains unmoved by my emotions about it. In other respects he’s okay, but this really bugs me! I kind of feel maybe he doesn’t really love me. Is his reaction towards me normal? Our wedding is in 4 months and I have known him for 4 years. Do you think I should go on with the relationship? Any advice will do. I don’t mind getting the public’s opinion on the matter either. Please post anonymously. Thank you.

by

Q & A › Category: Relationship › Hi Bolu. I have a relationship based question. Sorry, it's quite a long one. I am dating a guy right now who I really love, but I'm not sure if he loves or even likes me just as much. When we go out, he doesn't like to hold hands. On one occasion, I intentionally held on tight to his hand, but he just shook my hand off. I was quite upset and embarrassed at the same time, but I summoned-up courage to ask him why he acted that way. His reply was that he just wants his hands to be free and that he had the right to want that. He also got upset at the fact that I was upset, and said being angry with him was a sign of selfishness on my part, because I just wanted to have my way. I took it in good faith because I truly felt it would be unfair for me to make him do what he did not feel like doing, so going forward, I no longer made attempts to hold his hands, and ever since he has never bothered to hold mine either. It seems like something really little, but it bothers me till this day especially when we go out and I see other people lovingly holding hands in public… even old couples! I wonder if he’s ashamed of me or if it’s just his personality. I tried to show him how I feel, but he remains unmoved by my emotions about it. In other respects he’s okay, but this really bugs me! I kind of feel maybe he doesn’t really love me. Is his reaction towards me normal? Our wedding is in 4 months and I have known him for 4 years. Do you think I should go on with the relationship? Any advice will do. I don’t mind getting the public’s opinion on the matter either. Please post anonymously. Thank you.
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Debby asked 4 years ago

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Boluwatiwi Staff answered 3 years ago

 
Dear Debby,
First I owe you a zillion apologies for just responding to your question. I have had issues with viewing questions but even that does not excuse the fact that your question was left unanswered.
I would also like to thank you for trusting me with something very personal.
I must say that your fears are valid. It is somewhat natural to feel unsure when going into a lifelong commitment that marriage entails. Having said that, I’d appeal to you to create time for both of you to talk about any and everything – no holds barred. It is important to let him understand the way you feel about this occurrence among other things. It is not out of place for him to respond in a manner that you would term unaffectionate because not everyone enjoys the public display of affection. Your line of questioning should be to seek understanding and not to fault his stance. He may have had a myriad of past experiences (his own and in the life of others) that have informed his beliefs over the years so you’ll need to apply tact when communicating your hurt. Our actions almost always stem from a deep sea of a combination of our thoughts, associated feelings and experiences.
Whatever you both do, please ensure that you are sincere one with another. You may need to visit a professional marriage coach to help you better navigate and resolve knotty issues in your relationship.
I wish you both the very best.
Thank you again for your question. Here’s a toast to you.
(You may send an email to mynostalgicthots@gmail.com if you require any private hearing).

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