Oh Birthdays!

When the rest of the world gets fascinated and somewhat anxious about the New Year that is ushered in on January 1st, I am kind of ‘slow’ at catching that bug.  However, the 11th of January – my birthday is truly the start of not just another unique calendar year in my life. It represents so much more.

 

Hahaha! Some persons had already wished me a happy birthday. No, not just my kids (who pride in wishing me a happy birthday from the first day of the year because they want to be the very first ones to do so). A few persons had mixed up my birth date and had sent their prayers and warmest regards early. A few other people just get a kick out of wishing me a happy birthday multiple times in January—they say I am January’s “theme”. I can’t complain because I do like the thought of being associated with melody and fine tunes. Who wouldn’t?!

My husband, despite my warnings not to, has concerned himself with baking cakes and brownies the day before. Something about his confectioneries makes me cheerful—I don’t know if it’s the detail that goes into it, or the LOVE that he so lavishly splashes into the process. Whether one or the other or both, I can’t get enough of his treats and TREATS. Before my children went to bed, they gave me tighter hugs, and their smiles beamed with more intensity than is typical. Amidst hushed tones and squeaks from my little munchkins, I saw that they desperately wanted to ‘spill’. They’re terrible at guarding the plan, keeping secrets, and containing their excitement. My daughter had this funny dance and mischievous smile. They unquestionably look forward to my birthday than I do.

 

Yet my birthday feels so awkwardly different this year.

For one, I don’t have the excitement or glee that usually accompanies birthdays.

A little mood now and again. Vulnerabilities are my thing, so that shouldn’t count.

I still have joy (that bit is almost always intact, THANKFULLY)

And I have a landfill of gratitude.

Okay, so perhaps the last year did not exactly deliver on its potentials. Sometimes, I was torn between what I love the most and what I do best. I did not hit all the milestones I set out to. Thing is, I have been blessed beyond measure. I made amazing strides in some aspects, but not enough to be ecstatic. For someone who is intentional about being present, carrying out self-reflection exercises, appreciating small wins, charting near deliberate pathways, I still have unfinished businesses. I still have a void.

 

I would reel out my blessings and name them one by one, but that would be oddly specific, so I won’t.

 

Many deaths, frequent news of kidnappings, losses of sorts, now and again, almost suffocate the beauties that surround me on the daily.

 

Frankly, I don’t know if the fact that my birthday is just a few days into the New Year or whether it has to do with the fact that I am confronted with the truth that I am getting older, but something about it, is not the same. Could it be that I need a break from reality?

 

I have done a lot! I mean, among other things, I have reassessed my philosophies, embraced new learnings, verified my anchors, reconfirmed my beliefs, come to new realities, and re-evaluated my actions. Yet… ‘nothing’.

I’ve spoken to the Almighty—the God of all flesh, Father of all spirits, Lover of my soul, Keeper of my heart, and much more–about my current state.

Still.

Am I truly listening? Perhaps that is where the challenge is. Am I so used to a routine that has served me and now it’s time to change? Have my rituals kept me sane, and even bubbly, but are no longer potent to deliver on my next phase? If faith be faith, and if convictions be true, then thoughts of tomorrow should not be potent enough to sway me.

 

I am still all about aligning my life to my passions and harmonizing the most important bits of me – love, family, connectedness, learning, creativity, excellence, leadership, service, and faith.

 

Did I mention I am working on another book? It is near complete. It is an attempt at pouring my heart, rendering my journey, explaining the complexities of living, and at the barest minimum simplifying life so that you can ultimately make sense of this side of heaven, have the tools to find your way, to create your future and be a beacon to many others. I will communicate more details in good time.

Hey, wait a minute, have you even read the previous one? Access it here.

So yes, I am that woman who remains committed to living a life that is exciting, fulfilling, purposeful and unstoppable. I am putting all this out here to effect accountability on my part and perhaps to help a few persons who may be struggling with marrying their various parts.

 

You and me (yup, I meant not to write ‘I’). We go dey okay. We go dey all right.

Ultimately, ALL will be well.

On the occasion of my birthday, I am truly grateful for many things – one of which is YOU.