Furious.

Enraged.

Inflamed.

Livid.

I’m tempted to go on and on, but I won’t.

I hadn’t experienced such a cocktail of anger and frustration in a while.

This was not like any other Saturday, it was a family event we had long prepared for. Relatives would be coming from all over.

One of our very dapper nephews would be getting married to the Queen of his heart.

I decided to have my makeup done professionally, but I had to use an artist nearby to save time.

First horror?! The makeup wasn’t great or so I thought. I was already about an hour late, so I did not remove it but brazed up and attended the event like that regardless. After a few pictures, I realised it was not not-great, but actually terrible.

Gosh!

Thankfully, the wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful. The reception was just as great. Young love tickles. It was all smiles, singing, and dancing.

Until… it wasn’t.

Culture and traditions are such important aspects of our lives and what better place to see them in full bloom than at wedding ceremonies.

From one family member exercising his right to free speech regardless of how hurtful his words were, to another “revered” elder shaming a younger member of the family, I witnessed first hand, the darkness that is allowed to fester all in the name of culture; for I was that person who experienced the bile that some aspects of our traditions spew.

And oh! I did not respond with intention like I usually would do. I reacted!

No, I was not in absolute control. I was besides myself with rage. I had had enough.

Some people sure know how to press your buttons. To such people, standing up for yourself is seen as being arrogant regardless of how you frame your response.

Concepts like the dignity of persons, kindness, mutual respect, and personal responsibility do not seem to matter in such situations.

It stands to reason that the tenets of our religion and ideologies of our faith play little or no roles in how we practise traditions.

Sad.

You see, I did not just watch from the sidelines. I was directly negatively impacted by the same culture that I am typically so proud to be associated with.

 

Reflections: 

• I am for embracing culture… when it empowers.
• I am for traditions… when they uphold the dignity of persons.
• What benefit is a culture that repeatedly propagates subservience?
• By all means, exercise your right to free speech, but make sure to pass it through the sieve of kindness.
• If everyone uttered the first words that came to their mind when they’re angry, we may find ourselves without friends and family.
• You have a personality responsibility to uphold your wellbeing. Do not relinquish that right.
• You should respect people regardless of their age.
• Mutual respect is about recognising the inherent value of people and treating them with dignity.
• It is important to establish boundaries for every relationship.
• Some fights are not worth having.

I have often wondered why we keep handing over disempowering traditions – one generation to the next. I see real people bruised by the negative elements of traditions. Yet we hold on to them under the guise that they are a part of our identity.

This is more than a rant, it’s a call to question the ideologies you uphold. Are they empowering or disempowering? Do they build up or tear down?